March 11, 2010

Spring Cleaning

I just got back in from having seen an old friend for coffee. A friend who, frankly, manages for a couple of instants to drain me from any kind of energy and hope for the coming future. You know those friends whom you've known for a long long time, and who you somewhere along the road kind of grew apart from? But it's just hard to communicate that that's what happened?

Well, I've known this friend for many years, and it's not without a little bit of guilt that I'm writing this. But to be honest, I'm not taking this anymore. There has got to be something wrong when you leave a coffee shop feeling robbed of something (other than money for an overpriced cappuccino), and just want and need to talk to someone dear immediately. I don't want to have those kinds of feelings about people I call friends anymore. (And yes, I've tried to communicate to her how I feel about this, but fruitless attempts, all of them.)

Nowadays, I feel like we're always encouraged to change, grow and improve ourselves. I'm all for this, and I love that it's become a pretty integrated part of our western society, the ability to change and move on. Toss off shoes that all of a sudden got too small. The only thing is that no one talks about how difficult it seems to be for the people around us to accept this change. Or rather, it's a real truth teller when you change to see who your real supporters are and notice those who aren't (hopefully, they're not that many). I'm always a bit baffled when I'm forced to accept that no, this friend is not supporting me or my growth. The real strength lies in the ability to say nope,  don't have time for this anymore.

So, much like Robert Plant sings about spring cleaning for the May queen, I'm having one too.
And truth be told, it feels great. 

I'm curious, do you have an experience similar to this one?

More on this topic on here...

Pic 1, 2.


suzie said...

ye, yes, yes Hermione! I know exactly what you mean. I had a friend who drained me so much, I dreaded seeing her. In the end, no amount of trying to work it out got me anywhere. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on. Don't let people sap you in this way.
Go spring clean girl!

Hermione said...

Suzie, I agree with you one hundred percent! I know that dreading feeling, and the one where you get angry with yourself for once again not having listened to your intuition. Everyone should do a little spring cleaning every now and then:D. Glad you did too!

pennycones said...

I have had many experiences of this too.

More recently it has simply been a process of elimination. It sounds quite callous to put it so bluntly but I too was being zapped by these people.

I only have a handful of good friends now as I really don't need to be surrounded by these other 'friends'.

So I think you are doing the right thing. Carry on cleaning :)


Hermione said...

Yes, Lisa, I completely agree. It's not that it's callous, it may in fact be necessary, but it sounds kind of awful to say that's what we do.. But a few dear, good friends are worth so much more than 50 negative ones. That's the truth. And I love it!

cat said...

i completely understand this...just experienced the same kinda..but that´s life...everyone moves on and sometimes it doesn´t quiet fit anymore...but that´s should accept it and live your life!!! the right friends stay and will support you !!!
xx cat
CiTiEs of B

Amanda said...

Omg, yes. I'm going through this very same, sad situation and feeling very alone in the world right now. I have a friend whom I've know for so long and now whenever I see this person I don't feel the connection we used to have, mainly because I know I've changed and she hasn't. It's always hard and it sucks. I'm finding I've never really had many friends at all. The boys that I lived next door to I considered some of my closest friends and now we don't even speak. It's like 'out of sight, out of mind' kind of thing and it just makes me think that there aren't very many really good people out there you can call friends anymore. Most of the time I feel more of a connection with my blog friends like yourself, whom I've never even met. That's definitely not a bad thing though.

I suppose this is hitting home for me twice as bad right now because I've been sick for four days and therefore, secluded from people. I don't know what there is to be done about this friendless situation, but I do know all we can do is to be good friends to anyone we can and hope that friendship is returned.

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